Sunday, September 10, 2006


Inspirational Thoughts -- brought on by pain.

I currently have a migraine, but as I lay thinking about the many things that have shaped who I am today I recall two important people from my teen years. Both of those people are still a part of my life today, if only aquaintenced friends now. I don't talk to them often and honestly, don't think that may change. I carefully thought about how I "feel" about these people now and want them to understand -- that even tough I sometimes have a convoluted sense of expression I would die before bringing harm to them or their respective families- in any way, shape, or form. If this means that I have to keep my distance because I have also learned I am many times sorely misunderstood -- then so be it.

How did these people become so important to me now? What they did in the past reflects who I am today, and the sense of devotion I now have to my soul-mate and husband. The elder is a long time friend that I know I have hurt terribly more than once -- and for that I am truely sorry. The younger -- and only younger than myself by a few short weeks -- memories bring a wry smile to my countanance. And I have hurt him in the past, and for that I am also truely sorry. Both of their "gentle" prodding in my younger teen years has truely made an impact in how I react to and work with my current mate. Both of them know about my past -- in more ways than I care to think about. Do they know how I feel about their influence? (They will now, as I have sent this rambling to them.)

Yes, there have been other "influences" in my life that have shaped who I am today -- but those don't deserve the sincere respect that I have for the "two". But I won't go into those people. Mind you I refer to the men only that have come and gone in my life -- the "two" and all the others. However, this does not include my Dad -- He's in a whole different light than those who could or would have been potential "mates". This also means any that were "Father figures" are not included. Did those people have influence in my life -- yes, but a totally different respective than what I am trying to convey here.

They both know whom they are, but I don't think they know just how much I am thankful now that they put up with my stupidity and scorn as a teen. Or why. I certainly don't know why they put up with such a hateful person as I know I used to be. Life has never been easy for me -- both with what occured in my life before and after I met them. I won't go into any gory details as everyone knows enough already.

That brings me to the man now in my life. In a strange twist of fate -- he became my protector and trainer, and later my husband. He and one other person will always be soul-mates -- the other is a gal. I love them with all my heart, mind, body and soul. And would do anything for them that I could possibly do. The "two" have influenced how I react to and work with my current "mate". And he is my mate -- through and through. I trust him with my life and with the lives of those I consider friends -- he would do for them what he would do for me. Protect and care about them. He knows how important they are in my life, and thus they are important to him. I feel the same way about his friends and family. I would do anything to protect them.

As I sit here rereading this, it doesn't convey exactly everything I wanted to say. It will have to do.

It boils down to this.

Thank you, you two whom influenced this letter today. For being who you were growing up and for who you are today. I still care deeply about you both in the sense as a friend I would do all in my power to make sure you are safe and protected in my world. Thank you for all you put up with and all you endured with me so long ago. Thank you for the lessons you taught me, and for the future lessons. My prayer for you is this --

Continued love and safety in your families and blessings in all you do.


Blogger Andrew said...

I think we all have people from our personal history who have influenced us in ways great and small. It's good of you to acknowledge that influence.

To Love, Honor and Dismay

Sun Sep 10, 10:25:00 AM  
Blogger happylaney said...

I did my fair share of stupid things to my really, really, really good friend in my teenage years and beyond. But the fact that we have lived through that and are still friends is what really counts. I feel better when I realize that everyone is stupid when they are young. Being young is for making mistakes, and I did, and it sounds like you did too. But that doesn't mean that you aren't worthy of these people's close friendship anymore. There is no one other than my husband that I would rather spend time with than this friend, and even though I have never said that to her out loud, I know she knows. Space, time and positive persistance heals, you'll see. It's good to put that out there for them to read, and it's good for you to own. I think you are on the right track.

Fri Sep 15, 11:15:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There are so many words I could say right now but right now, four simple ones come to mind...

I love you.


~The Gal SoulMate

Sat Sep 16, 09:09:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

True freindship is knowing that no matter how bad we may mess up, eventually, we will be forgiven. I've never held any ill will to you and don't honestly believe that I ever could. The things that happened in our past did much too help develop the both of us into who we are today. I take great comfort in knowing that you have found your true soulmate after so much searching because I have found mine. Just know that while we don't speak or chat or email each other very much, memories come back to me all the time since I still live in our hometown.

Much love and even more prayers to you and yours.

"The older influence"

Sun Sep 17, 07:38:00 PM  

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